3)长篇大论的公司或工厂介绍。我现在做buyer,也会收到工厂和贸易公司的推销信。贸易公司还稍微好一点,很多工厂的业务员,开发信实在写得不咋地,简直可以说是惨不忍睹,既浪费客人时间,也浪费自己时间。我经常会收到类似的邮件:“我们是某某照明灯具厂,地处美丽的长江三角洲东南,交通便利,风景优美,离上海和杭州仅仅2小时车程,我们公司成立于2002年,具有丰富的太阳能灯生产和开发经验,享誉全球,我们工厂获得ISO9001:2000质量体系,严格按照5S管理,真诚欢迎您来我厂参观拜访,希望和您建立起长久的业务关系,我们以真诚和服务赢得客户……”诸如此类的话,客人会看得很不耐烦,即使你是一个很好的公司或很好的工厂,第一次就收到这样一封邮件,任谁都会感到厌烦的。
有朋友会反问,那是不是完全不写呢?我的回答是,也不一定,要看具体情况。如果你的公司有突出的优势,可以写,但是最好一笔带过就可以了。可以这样写:We supply solar lights for Home Depot with high quality and competitive price. Hope to cooperate with you!
简单一点,一两句话点到重点,调起老外的胃口,让他反过来问你各种问题,你的目的就达到了。做业务久了你就发现,很少有客人每封邮件长篇大论的,即使有,也是极少数的特例,或者是要确认一些细节之类的。
4)爱炫耀英文水平。以前有个助理,英语八级,刚毕业的学生,要她给老外写email,总是喜欢把文字写得很出彩,各种语法从句层出不穷,还喜欢用冷僻词,让人理解都需要老半天。如果是英语为母语的客人或者德国、北欧这些英语很棒的客人还好一点,如果你写给韩国人日本人中东人法国人,那就要他们老命了,看一封邮件还得用上字典或翻译工具,还是半懂不懂,你说客人会对你印象好么?
丘吉尔讲过一句话,具体的内容我忘了,大致的意思是,真正的高手,你要把最复杂的东西用最简单的文字表达出来,全部用最简单的句子,最简单的词汇,让小学生都能看懂。
其实把简单的东西复杂化很容易,把复杂的东西简单化就不容易了,需要多学多模仿客人的邮件,用最简单的词汇来表达你要表达的东西。外贸函电的精髓就是,“简单简单再简单”,能用一个词表达的绝对不用两个词或短语,能用一句话写清楚的,绝对不写两句。谁能用最少的句子表达同样的意思,那就是最厉害的!
举个例子吧,我以前招助理的时候,会考他们的email水平,我把中文意思告诉他们,然后让他们用英文来模拟一封邮件。内容很简单,写一封邮件告诉客人Mike,上次收到的样品已经寄给工厂了,但工厂说材料不是ABS,而是PP,价格他们需要重新核算,但近期内原材料涨价,希望您能尽快确认,我们好采购原材料并安排生产。
第一个应聘者是这样写的:
Dear Mike,
This is Jenny from EDF Co. Ltd. We’re so pleased to receive your samples. I already sent them to our factory last week, and was informed the real material is PP, not ABS as you mentioned last time. What’s the matter?
I’ll give you reply as soon as we get the offer from the factory. It will take several days. Please be more patient. But they also told me, the raw material increased these days. Could you please confirm the price quickly after you get it? We’ll purchase the raw material and do the production immediately!
Looking forward to your reply. Thank you!
Best regards,
Jenny
这封邮件写得好么?老实说还可以,虽然主动语态和人称多了点,但是内容都点到了,表达也算通顺,用的词汇也都是挺简单的,不难懂。但是不是有点啰嗦?如果能简单一点,是不是更好?我们看看第二位应聘者写的email:
Dear Mike,
How are you?
We received your all samples. The factory checked the details, and found the material was PP, not ABS as you told.
Please give them some more time to re-check the price, because the material is different from the past orders. However, the material was increased very quickly! Therefore, please kindly place the order soon if the price is ok for you! We’ll do production asap.
Thank you in advance!
Kind regards,
Tommy
这封呢?我个人觉得比上一封号一点,毕竟主动和被动语态结合,“We”只出现了一次,不算太枯燥。内容也稍微简单了一点,点到位了。最重要的是,他把purchase the raw material去掉了,直接用“We’ll do the production asap.”这样更简洁,毕竟你要生产,能不采购原材料么?所以这是废话。缺点是,我个人感觉还是啰嗦了一点。
我会这样写:
Hi Mike,
Samples received and already passed to vendor. The material was PP, not ABS. Offer sheet is preparing and will be sent to you soon.
By the way, raw material increased these days, pls make a decision quickly to go ahead after price confirmed. We’ll arrange the mass production asap.
Thanks and best regards,
C
几句话点到主题,表达清楚就可以了。能用一句话表达的,千万不写两句,省掉一切能省的废话。写完以后其实可以读一遍,看哪句话可以删掉,哪句话可以换一种表达方式,少用第一人称,多用被动语态!等到你重新检查的时候,发现已经简单的不能再简单,没词可以删了,那就点“发送”吧~~
只要做到“简洁”、“清楚”、“准确”,这就是一封好的email了。